This entry is more of a way for me to get my thoughts down, to process and to share briefly what life has looked like for us the last 5 years.
Life for everyone is challenging at times and everyone carries different challenges. I tend to compare my challenges, frustrations or times of anxiousness to others and then try to feel optimistic about our life.
I am thankful for the life God has given me to live, I am thankful for many people he has put into our lives, I am even thankful for this crazy journey yet it can still be hard and it's allowed to be hard. This looks different for everyone and God never intended for us to coast through life without any trials. Our faith strengthens, our love for our Saviour and people strengthen and we come out stronger than we went in.
Back in 2010 we started dreaming of our family. We planned our future. We planned when we would have our children, how that would look and how it would feel. God had a different plan when we found out that biological children weren't in our story. He prepared us separately for this moment. I had always wanted to adopt in our family so it just seemed to make sense (even though the pain of finding out that we would never have biological children doesn't go away it made sense). God had been preparing us and we were now ready for this new journey of becoming a family.
During the 2 1/2 years we waited for our son I have never felt so beyond happy, devastated, anxious, excited, hopeful, dissappointed but not once did I ever doubt what God had in store for us. I truly have never felt so out of control in my life which is probably good because God had it more than under control.
Then we received that call. We had a son in a moment of 5 minutes. We went to meet him 4 weeks later. 9 days after that he became legally ours and we were officially parents just like that to a beautiful 14 month old boy. There were struggles. There were times of feeling lost because we didn't know how to help him or parent him. Being in a foreign country when you become parents for the first time was pretty incredible but also very nerve-wracking. Thankfully we had a very relaxed little boy for the most part and allowed us to slide into the roll of parenting. We were so blessed with our little man and he made all those struggles worth every second of it!
After becoming parents the next 6 months were the toughest 6 months of my life. We tried to prepare ourselves for what might be when we brought home our little one but nothing really could have prepared me. We leaned in towards God more than we ever have before. Solomon was a happy little toddler (thankfully) but becoming parents was very challenging. Sleep was non existent (4-5 hours a night of awake time in a row), always being aware of where he was, always being "on", learning to watch his cues of how he is doing in social settings, working on attachment and boundaries at the same time and so much more. We have such an awesome little boy! He was awesome from the first moment we laid eyes on him through pictures to now as his 3 year old self!
A year after Solomon came home we started the process to bring home a sibling for him. Paperwork, meetings, medicals, fingerprints and the list goes on to get ready for another file to be sent over seas so we can bring home our next little one. And let the fundraising and saving begin!
Once we got into a groove with me being back at work half time we got another curve thrown at us. Josh had been laid off from a job that we thought was stable for at least another 6 months. It threw us for a loop. Josh was without work for 3 months. Thankfully he finally found a job that was a contract job right before I was off for the summer. Good and bad timing. He travelled so much so our summer consisted ALOT of single parent travelling to visit family. It was tough on all of us in our own ways. I know many people do it often but it was really hard on us. We still had to trust that God had a plan.
This contract job lasts until end of December (which is 2 months earlier than we had originally anticipated). Josh has been working so hard at applying for any jobs that come up (engineering related and not) to be able to find something to support our family. We don't know when our next little one is coming home. Solomon constantly talks about his little sister or brother.
It's just all so much. God has a plan. I don't doubt that for a moment but it's very hard being in a plan that we have no idea what it looks like.
Throughout the last 5 years God has taught me so much. Patience, trust, reliance, stamina, don't make to strict of plans for my own life, have faith and don't lose hope. There is always a light at the end of a dark tunnel you just never know when it's coming.
Here is a song that has been really challenging me lately and I play it constantly on repeat. I am His.
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders.
Let me walk upon the waters.
Wherever you would call me.
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander.
And my faith will be made stronger.
In the presence of my Saviour.
You can listen here. "Oceans" by Hillsong United
"Hardships often prepare ordinary people for
an extraordinary destiny" -C.S. Lewis
"Hardships often prepare ordinary people for
an extraordinary destiny" -C.S. Lewis
