The last week or so has been quite a rough one. We have no new news and we have no idea when we will get any news. This has been very hard and has been a very frustrating time to try and wrap my brain around. God has a plan and I am working on fully trusting him but it just isn't making sense.
What does he want me to learn still? The last 3 years have stretched me in my faith, challenged me in how I live my life and think about situations, created a new person within me and I still am learning all of these things day in and day out.I am not perfect but these are 3 areas that God has truly been challenging me.
Wishful Thinking:
I am WISHING God would tell me what his plan is. When we decided to start a family, neither Josh or I had any idea of what journey we were about to start on. Our plans did not fit with God's plans and we had to learn that the hard way of going through the process. These hard days are so challenging and I feel ready to crumble but I pray so hard to God to help me through it and He does even if the next day is just as hard He helps me through that one too and it just keeps on going. I know some day I will see God's plan unfold but I WISH that he would just tell me what it will look like.
I am WISHING that there would be a timeline in adoption. I know that there isn't and its wishful thinking to hope for one but it would make things a lot easier. This is where I am learning I still have to try to live my life without making it depend on what might happen in the future. We have done that for almost 2 years now and its just been too hard to wait, wait, wait and keep waiting and not jumping at opportunities to live fully or creating those opportunities because of the what ifs.
With Christmas around the corner (2 months but like around the corner to me :)), I am WISHING that we would be a family of 3 or at least a known family of 3. It's amazing how Christmas's get harder when you have been waiting for so long to share it with a child in your family for at least 3 years now. I know that we have to focus our celebrations towards Jesus because it is the time to celebrate Him but I just WISH that we could celebrate it as a family of 3.
I wish a lot but one thing that we don't wish for but we pray for is that our babe, wherever he or she is, is safe and is being cared for. We love you sweet pea and really can't wait until you are ours forever!
Continue to pray for all of the orphans, foster children, adopted children and families in the world. November is Adoption Awareness month and it is such an important time as believers to pray for those who are in those situations. We have been adopted into God's family and so we should be taking a step to change even 1 life because that is what God has called us to do.
To my amazing husband: I love you. You are so strong for me and I couldn't imagine being in this process with anyone else. You are so understanding on those hard days and you celebrate with me on the good days. You are willing to help me try to find a way to make things feel better, even if its just for a moment. Thank you for being you and being a Godly man who leads our house with faith. I love you.
To my beautiful son or daughter: I love you. You are already so close to me and I can't wait until you are in my arms. I dream about you, I talk to you, I pray for you, I love you and I know that God has his arms wrapped around you right now until I can get my arms wrapped around you. When that time comes I hope you will feel the love of your parents and most of all our God! I can't wait until you come home! I love you sweet pea!
Blessings
Shaeline
